Monday, January 30, 2012


So John took me to the doctor today to talk about radiation. I met with Dr. Whipple and he showed us the MRI. I have over a dozen pea size tumors around my brain. Good that they are small, but lots of tumors big enough to see, BAD! They made a mold of my face that they will put on me during radiation, that they screw to the table, so I can't move! Holy claustrophobic!!! I just have to relax and breath. Once they start the radiation it is only 10 min. The mold is way better than the screws going into my head holding it still. I start tomorrow January 31st at 9:15 AM. I go every day Monday thru Friday at 9:30AM for 3 wks for a total of 15 treatments. During this time I will not have chemo. However, I will still receive herceptin. My body, or anyone elses body cannot handle chemo and radiation at the same time. So chemo is on hold for at least 3weeks. Also, we will now wait to do the body scan until after radiation as well. Checking before we start back up to see what we are dealing with at that point. So today, I had my last dose of chemo for a little while. John is going to be home with me this week, to see how I handle the radiation. I am to expect extreme tiredness for sure. I could also experience headaches and nausea, but if I do, they will put me on a steroid. That will mean there is swelling on the brain. It is common, but it doesn't always happen. So I may be in my cozy chair or bed for awhile. I really appreciate all your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. I do read all your comments, and feel your prayers. They are defiantly helping! Luvs!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Some good news, but mostly bad... AGAIN

I hate to be the bearer of bad news and I hate having to type this. So I will start with the good.

Charese went to the Dr. today to do a scan on her brain to see if the Gamma Knife Surgery worked. Good news... It did work! The two tumors she had in her brain are completely gone.

Here goes nothing... The scan found that more cancer tumors have appeared. Too many to count. They are not able to do the Gamma Knife Surgery again because there are too many, so the only option is for Charese to undergo full brain radiation. They want her to start the radiation ASAP. She will start that the beginning of next week.

The radiation will be brutal. She will need all the extra prayers & hugs she can get, & so will my parents. I hate walking into the house to see my mom sitting on the couch crying. It is a scene I have witnessed too many times. I can't look into her kids eyes again when they hear the bad news. I can see it tearing them apart. Seeing them cry & hearing Skylee say over & over again, "Mommy's sick" literally rips my heart out. I don't know how much more bad news any of us can take.

Next week, she goes in to have a full body scan to see if the chemo is working on all of the other parts of her body. That has to be good news. How much more bad can they deliver?

But this damn cancer is not going to win! It has messed with the wrong family! Charese will kick its ass! If anyone can do it, it is her. She is a fighter & we have all seen it before. She still has a very positive attitude and continues to smile. When she called to tell me the results, I was thinking that it must be good news because she was so upbeat. Then she told me & I kept waiting to hear her cry, but she never did. It is just another hurdle that is in her way.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts & prayers. But, I please ask that they continue. They are definitely helping Charese to stay strong & positive.



Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Please Pray for me!

SO tomorrow, Thursday January 26th is the big day for my MRI on my brain! I am so nervous! I am so hoping for good news. That the tumors are GONE and that no others have grown! Please if you could say an extra prayer for me, I would truly appreciate it! Loves to all!

Friday, January 13, 2012

So Much to Be Grateful For!

As I go to my treatments and talk to others that sit around me, it really makes me think. There are so many people out there fighting cancer, some worse than others, but we are all there together to receive help. Their stories amaze me. They all seem to be extreme and on going battles. I really am grateful for my own trial. Sure my case is extreme as well. I had a stroke, therefore having a hole in my heart & heart ablation surgery, then not only finding breast cancer 2 years later. But not only is it breast cancer, I am blessed to have Stage 4 right off the bat, having the cancer in my lungs, liver, brain, and more and likely throughout the rest of my body. I mean really, go big or go home...right!? I thought maybe over a 60 year time frame I could build up to Stage 4. :) But I will take it on now, and stomp it!
I am grateful for my trial, cause not only are these others going through a similar trial, they don't all have the support that I DO! I leave there going, WOW, there are so many people with cancer, and so many struggling with cancer, what do I have to complain about!? I have THE BEST husband, THE BEST kids, THE BEST parents, THE BEST family, THE BEST friends, THE BEST neighborhood/ward, in THE BEST town, THE BEST extended family, THE BEST church and faith & THE BEST support EVER!! Really, I have SO much to be grateful for. I am not fighting this cancer alone. I have never once felt alone! I know I will never have to go to a treatment by myself or even a silly doctor visit alone if I don't want to. SO many people are taking care of me, and SO many care. SO many willing to take my kids, clean my house, bring me dinner, and the list could go on and on! I am so touched and so so grateful! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! To ALL of YOU! You have made this challenge/trial in my life small and easier to get through. I LOVE YOU ALL! I really do!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Here's to a FANTASTIC 2012!

We had a chance to get away for a bit, so we took it! We headed South to stay with my parents in their home away from home. It was so great! We swam, stayed up late, slept in, watched movies, and had so much fun!! It was so nice to relax a little. Swimming with a bald head was awesome and strange. No wet hair hanging in my face! WAHOO! But then again, COLD! I loved watching the kids play and laugh. I loved being with John! He has been working so hard lately, I just miss him!
I had a frustrating day before we left. My legs hurt, I was tired and emotional. Thank goodness for good friends that take my kids to let me breath for a minute. The boys went to their friends house to play, and Kendra took Skylee so I could sleep. I think I was just overwhelmed thinking I have to do everything, but I really just don't have the energy. It sucks not being able to do what I want. So this week I am realizing that it is ok, ok that I can't do it all, all the time! Things will get done eventually.
I am so excited about the New Year and what it will bring! I am confident that it is going to be an amazing year, full of Love, Excitement, Joy, Fun, Family, Friends, and GOOD HEALTH!